I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
