I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
