It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
