all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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