operation harelip BJ is a go
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
