Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
