The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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