The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i think i just lost a toe
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