So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
