Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
