I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize