i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
