I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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