She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
