she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize