just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
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