just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
