I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
