my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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