Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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