I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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