I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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