I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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