i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My dad is sitting where you rode me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
