Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
