The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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