I hate your face
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
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Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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