just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
