Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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