Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize