I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
