Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
