you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
