Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.