dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
You kept saying you had to be safe.