Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not