Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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