I met the friendliest cop last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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