I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The air was thick with penises
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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