Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
