i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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