He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
