sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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