apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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