This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
