I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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