And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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