do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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