glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
