I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
