i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think a kid would responsible me up
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
