Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize