just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
