remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
