You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
