spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
