I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
