stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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