Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
