my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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