Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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