Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
