My nipple is on Facebook.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
