remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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