I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize