i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
