I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize