Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
