i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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