so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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