Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
