i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize