I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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