dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
