I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
